BOOOOM..... :D

Acclimatizing...

By the time you start getting used to them; all good things come to an end- that would be how I would describe my trip to Indore in the fewest number of words possible. But then it is not such few words that I want to describe my trip…there is more to it and I want to do justice to it.

Acclimatization to a place is a problem for me and not so too- situational it is. And in this situation it was going to be a problem, of course it would be…. I would be living in the presence of grownups after a whole year. It was going to be sometime before I got used to having them telling me what to do and what not do. It was going to be weird.

Nice?

No I don’t think so because having being alone for so long has made me independent…wow I didn’t imagine I was going to say that. But yeah…

Ok getting back to my trip here, I was chatting with my friends online and I just asked them how they felt having grownups nagging (would you call it that??) them around in their caring way that they have. Most of them didn’t even seem to notice. That’s got to be the heights of being unobservant and just not being in sync with your surroundings, but then people are different!!!

If this is happening now, I don’t even want to wonder what will happen after college ends. That is going to be SO WEIRD and ah that old saying….all good things come to an end.

But…

There is time to be gloomy about all that.

A year or so is left still…and even though time passes like sand through your fingers there are those split seconds where it stays in your hand, and for now it is that time that I am going through.

There is time to start the gloomy yet.

But…

Its Been Awhile....

Its been awhile since my nana passed away and all my memories of him are but a blur...I was young when God decided his time with us was up. But sitting in front of his photograph on the day of Diwali, praying for his well-being and thanking him for looking over us for so long...I missed him.
What I remembered of him was his calling me, "Bongali babu/Babu moshai aa gaye hai, macchi bhaat khabo?"
I remember him during his newspaper reading time, the famous jeep which now Mama takes out to the farm sometimes and him doing his kusrat in the morning...but the memories are all vague...
His booming voice, his commanding presence and yet the softness within him, his willingness to help is what he is fondly remembered for.
I must ask Mom, to tell me about him.
I have come to Indore so many times and each time the 1st thing i do is pray to Nana...for many things...this time I did not. I sat there in front of his photograph with my eyes closed but only so that maybe...maybe I could feel him around me...calling me....
I wanted to meet him...just sit with him...
Time has flowed on...as it always will....
But I wont forget this day,i.e. , 5th of November, it was my first diwali at my Nani-badi and it was the first time that I really really missed you nana.

Up Late and Unable to think Straight!

My eyes are watering, if I would see some mushy movie right now I could almost begin crying immediately. And I am tired....But I had to write. I just had to. Call it compulsion or passion (highly doubtful since all the writing I do is in MY HEAD) I just wanted to write.
I have been up late.
I am supposed to be on holiday but its ended up being quite the reverse of it- and I havent even begun studying for my exams yet. Some holiday no?
Diwali holidays....I feel like burning my books....oh right I dont have any!
Frustration. Irritation. And the likes....
Being couped up in the house is super sad, I want to go HOME!! MY OWN HOME!! back in Kolkata...i will soon...
See this is what happens when you have been forced to have your ass sit on the bed ONLY for 2 straight days, apart from getting up to get your essentials done in the morning that is!
I can almost see double of everything I am writing or wait is that a triple....wow anyone would think I was drunk. And I solemnly swear I am not. Its this damn college work I tell you....
When you have it you curse it, when you dont you miss it.
Tragedy of life.
I want to write more. But abhi nahi.....kal hi sahi....

 This is nothing special, just one of those normal, nothing out of the ordinary posts.
Sometimes I guess you need that- to be straight, to the point and extremely simple.
NO?

Crazy Lunatic Colorful...Unfocussed...Dots!

Am I being totally random?
Have I lost it in the head?
Am I slowly but steadily going crazy?
Or...
Is it just a state of being high without even having a sip of alcohol...
Whatever it is...

These random, out of focus clicks add something to my life...
I can look at this at many levels,
through different points of view...

Should we be like this too...
at times...???
Colorful yet Unfocussed
Present with Mind Body and Soul and yet Inattentive
Life holds much more....No?
Or,
Or,
maybe lets just leave it at them being Dots!

The Mini Visarjan- Maushi Ishtyle

Ganpati Bappa Mauriya Purcha varshi laukariya!!!!

Above all the music, the dhol and everything these 6 words are the only ones playing in my mind…
A plethora of unknown faces among a few known ones gather around their beloved Ganpati to give him a proper farewell and wish with all their heart that he comes back quicker than before with more good fortune and luck and money amongst all other things…
I had always heard about Ganpati Visarjan but never really understood the power, the feeling of pride, the energy of it all that passed through every Maharashtrian who did the visarjan.
But today….
Today was the day when I would. Our beloved tapri ki Maushi had lovingly invited every Symbiosis student she could meet to come for the Visarjan…it was a moment of pride for her and she wanted to share it among us! Under normal circumstances the shy person that I am, I would have just said no, but then this experience wasn’t going to be happening day to day, and it was one I did not want to miss…I wanted to experience the madness, the energy, the liveliness of the dance and I am glad I did. I let go of any inhibitions or embarrassment issues and danced for me, me and only MYself!
The unmistakable sound of the dhol pulled me towards the dancing crowd- huge and intimidating yet containing people with the energy seen in teenagers (of old!the ones now are more lethargic than elephants!)- they were going to dance the night away and let the world know about it!!!
There was one thing. Company mattered and in this case I had the company of quite a few seniors while none from my own batch turned up- It did feel awkward at first maybe but then a dance broke through shackles of all kinds and if nothing else it sure helped me break mine- I wasn’t the shy and reticent kinds anymore. Oh no! not today...
Today I wanted to let go of myself to beats of the dhol playing. The feeling of the dhol playing right into my brain, the elation, the sudden feeling of pure unadulterated joy. I was possessed…
…I was happy.
And at the end of the day that’s what matters isn’t it?

Mine Own Master

It was not a choice I had
There was nothing I could do
I was told to leave
I had to…
End of story.

I felt shattered
Or maybe it was just my heart breaking inside!!!
I could feel the tears well up inside me,
Clouding my vision…
My nose leaked and my face contorted
In anger
Or was it pain, I did not know
All I knew was that I was told to go
But emotions always give you a different story to tell.

This had been their worst decision and all I could do was sit here and whine
About the chances that I saw go up in smoke in spite of all my trying.
I wanted to put all the blame on them
Curse them dead
Maybe…
Maybe…I shouldn’t…
But then I had to vent out my frustrations and it took two to play the blame game!!

It was time to walk away
The quicker I did the easier it would be,
I crunched up my feelings within me
And my long walk back began…

Fear overpowered my sorrow,
It was game over
I was out
And after so much it was time to start from scratch
To begin for a second time!!

Maybe this was just as well, because from failure came experience
And accompanied with it I would be my own master again!!!