Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy Birthday Gradpops :D

Facebook is a great connector, one takes it for granted but when you would sit and think of will hit you how amazing FB really is!!!
I am not going to rant on the awesomeness of FB...naah...I just want to appreciate its existence...few people have "time" to do that actually!!!
One would now think why this sudden acknowledgement and love for FB, well its Grandad's B'day today and he's away in Nagpur....the medium to wish him and send him his present.....



This was our little gift to him on his 78th b'day.

Happy 78th Dadu.

And like water 
And like air
You are to us

A smile 
Like a shower
In days of dark

A love
A warmth
Always the hug

Only answers
No questions
Ever the embrace

Happy Birthday!!

Neelu Lalit Pappu 
Meenu Tanu Swetu 

Photograph- Your Grandson 
Poem- Your Son

Love and Wishes- Everyone!!! :P :P :D

Of Long Legs and No leg space!!!

 17th December (On a flight to Guwahati) 

Wow look at her man!!! She’s such a good looker!! She goes on and on and on…with legs like that!!!! She would be reaching for the sky with those bamboo shoots of hers…wow…!!

In only a matter of seconds a girl is analyzed by those hungry eyes of every man born on this planet. It’s a fact of life and it sounds degrading….disgusting too…but well it’s just the way it is! Be it a tennis player or an actress or just a passerby you just can’t stop admiring their long legs!! It’s like they are always wearing stilts….
Anyway this is taking me away from what I want to write…so getting back to that….
For the past hour and half I have been sitting in this extremely uncomfortable passengers seat of Go Air with two extremely boisterous and irritating people for company. The only place that I can really vent my tension is on this writing pad that I have.
I read my opening paragraph again, I wonder why I began like that…I will let be…I see it generates the interest….  
Flights nowadays charge exorbitantly yet provide people with the least amount of leg space on a flight.  Only a few days back Mallya was all over the news protesting against the government’s wish to reduce prices on the tickets booked for flights. He mentioned a phrase that is popular nowadays “media sensationalization”.  He gave reasons of demand and supply to back his argument. All this is being done in an effort to undo some good that the gov’t is actually trying to do. But then it is his bread and butter or should I say cake and wine- this Kingfisher business….
I wish someone could tell him that with the exorbitant rates that these flights are planning to charge, their flights seem to be getting smaller...miracles never cease to happen isn’t it? More the money you get, the SMALLER your aircraft gets and well the quality of food is another story all together!
Kingfisher doesn’t pose such problems of leg space and food quality, they remain top class but one cannot say so about the other airlines…
Bullock carts in that sense were so much better, more spacious…those old times…
This for now will remain a blog/journal entry only…
Till anything happens in the distant future all I can do is stay cramped in that uncomfortable thing they call a passengers’ seat, get hit by extremely apologetic airhostesses moving around huge food trolleys because my leg was sticking out and CURSE under my breath for my long legs and no leg space!  

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Of Times Gone By...

Where have those times gone,
when i could spread that smile across on face without saying too much!
Where did it all go?
the twinkle of the eyes as you looked at me after many a day
seemed to have elapsed since we had last seen each other, even though it had been but a few hours?
I talk to you now like a master would to his servant and you with those quiet eyes listen dolefully, ready to obey every command I give.
You give a vibe given often by dead people.
What is it that died?
Have we sacrificed our love in the bigger scheme of things or has everything that we felt for each other come to an end?
Why has everything become so dark and distant between the two of us?

When will the magic return?
Will it return at all?
The smile you smiled, the look you gave me, staring into my eyes and right into my heart!

When will your head bow down to stifle a grin at some pathetic joke I cracked instead of being subservient to my commands.
Time has flowed below the bridge but  does that mean we have changed so much too?

When will you be the woman you once were?
When will your bent head and crystal blue eyes signify that you arent troubled but just glad that I am there.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Prized Catch This....

I am thankful to this kind man for having thrown his net into the water just so that I could catch him in his act. I achieved two things:

1. I had always wanted to catch the actions of a fisherman in his net throwing act. I achieved it today!! Even though there was hardly any fish around.

2. I left behind a man who was happy and had a smile on his face, because I photographed him.

Believe me, there is nothing more satisfying to see.!!! :D

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The One Man Army- Johnny Bravo

I used to totally love his cartoons. He deserves a spot on my blog. He's awesome.


Some of his quotes that are so totally unforgettable.....

"I am Johnny Bravo, the one-man army!"

"Wanna see me comb my hair, really fast?"

"Hey Foxy Mama, You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me? Hoohah!"

"Mister, I don't think you realize who you're talking to. I'm Johnny Bravo, the one-man army!""Man, I'm pretty."

Whoa, Mama!"

"If loving me is wrong, you don't wanna be right!"

(Looks in mirror)"Wait, who's that handsome guy?" (Dials phone) "Hello, 911 emergency? There's a handsome guy in my house" Oh, wait, cancel that. It's only me."

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Pachaas!!! 50!! Ponchaas…Number FIFTY!!

It’s taken awhile in coming and for someone who loves to write, it’s way too long. But then there’s always an idiom or two to crack and save my ass- I will go for the cliché- “It’s better late than never!” 
I was taking it slow…and with time I lost track of how slow it was getting. Anyway, it’s here. This 50th post. I want to thank you for the constant feedback that you have given. And I’d like for you to continue giving it.
The 75th post, for sure, will come faster. I am getting better see!!
Anyway I had thought of posting something that is close to my heart a special meeting with someone who is a role model to me. But that I guess, will have to wait because of what happened today morning.
My granddad comes up to me in the morning and says,
“I am a big fan of your writing. I have a separate folder where I save all your writings. You write so well- the depth in your writing doesn’t come across when I talk to you (not very compliment-ish but never mind!). Keep writing like this. Love You.”
This was something special. And I couldn’t help mentioning it.
Thanks a ton, granddad.
Love you.

Keep an eye for this space. There’s a lot more that is about to come up on this blog.

Eight by Twelve

I sit inside this 8 by 12 room- a place I am supposed to call my “office” and I am supposed to be doing work. But everything from my ears to my soul, are outside. On the other side. They belong there!
Hell, I belong there, on the outside!
I can’t help but hear the constant chatter between two office colleagues at the top of their voices (no wonder Mamta Banerjee or any Bengali, for that matter, can speak so well without a mike during rallies- loud speaking is a talent, a trait within a Bengali’s blood!!), that quick step of someone hurrying past my door presumably to the washroom (my office is pretty much next to it!!), that sharp click of a woman’s stilettos (do they actually wear stilettos to office?) is intriguing to say the least. it kills me not to be on the outside and having to use my imagination to figure out of what goes on in the outside world.
Back inside, the air conditioner is on and it stifles the living day lights out of me, kind of claustrophobic in here you know. I suddenly remember that case where a couple was stuck in the car during the Mumbai floods and had their ac on. They passed away in the morning. Is that going to happen here too? To me!!!
 It’s really funny you know, when you are on the outside of these “office cubicles”, one keeps wondering what goes on inside- are they hatching eggs , are they chatting with their lovers on their official phone-lines, taking a snooze, picking daisies or actually doing some constructive work?
But then there’s the case of you being on the inside, and BAM!!- reality hits you. They, some of them at least, are working. DAMN!! You were so much happier on the other side of that door. Why had you bothered being all inquisitive about the inside at all? 
But one has to deal with what he has around him. I have to contend myself with the paper white walls, dark brown furniture, a work station divided into two with your boss sitting right across you (so no facebooking either!!) and an exceedingly comfortable black chair which entices you to roll up into a ball and fall asleep.
Such are the cruelties of office. There’s really not a lot to do apart from work in this 8 by 12 torture room, once in awhile you crack that stupid joke which makes everyone laugh and the mood lightens, but that too lasts only awhile. And then, surprise-surprise…it’s back to mundane work.
Sometimes a peon comes by bringing you a cup of tea and as the door opens you get a peek on the world outside, intrigued by all that you have missed having stayed inside for those…10 mins. Seems like 10 years to me you know!
But then he has to leave hardly aware or appreciative of the freedom he has as for me, its back to dreaming/wondering/visualizing about all those brilliant things happening on the other side of my eight feet by twelve feet world.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Read, Flip, Smell- The Book-reading Experience

The first time that a book comes into your hand what is the first thing that you do, instinctively? I bet it’s the classic flip through and smell, isn’t it? Or am I just too weird and probably the only one who actually does that.

There is something about books that makes me do that and it gives me immense pleasure. Call me weird if you will. I don’t mind.

Whoever said that a book/novella is a treat for the eyes ONLY is grossly wrong. I too differ from this extremely popular belief!!

For me books are way much more than just another read through! As one passes a hand over a particular book you can’t help but notice the feel of the book- the smoothness with the occasional pronounced bumps signaling the prominent presence of the name of the book in huge, bold letters.

One would wonder, why is this guy suddenly writing about the texture, the feel of a book when all he does actually is opens it and reads it. I wouldn’t say he’s totally wrong but then he IS wrong.

A book can be read online too- in that case it would be called an e-book of course, but the point here is that some people like to hold their books in their hands when they read it. And you know why?


The feeling coursing through the holder of a book as he holds it to read is one of pure joy! The feeling is indescribable really.

And then as if mechanically, there is the famous flip through- gauging the size of the book and at the same time thinking whether it’s just another of those books where writers pen down their thoughts in an effort to sound cool or some the creation of a make-believe world to put children to sleep and keep the route of escapism open to all.

Another weird thing that I personally do with my books, especially the new ones is- I smell them. There’s something intensely orgasmic about the smell of a new book (the lack of a better word is evident!). Often books end being “made for the trash can” types but then I still end up buying it because it seems to SMELL nice.

No, I am not crazy. I just happen to think this way….

You are allowed to be weird for this post you know…childish, maybe if you call it that.

Flipping, Smelling and then Reading is the entire package and that is known to be good reading.

And no I am not crazy. I just think different.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bluish Yellow

She seemed to be one of those conservative types. Open to a lot of things and yet guarded about those precious few. It was hard to figure her out and I had already made the mistake of knowing her through the eyes of so many others, but not this time!

From the few hours we had spent together (they were quite a lot actually!!!) I had figured she was a tough nut. You know those kinds who appeared to be so tough and “nothing’s wrong with me” on the outside but had raging debates about love, life and everything in general, within.

It’s shocking really that the more beautiful they are, the more controversial lives they lead and she was just about to end her teens.


I had noticed while we had endlessly chatted that she had something built around her…some wall (metaphorically speaking of course!) or something behind which she hid herself…guarding herself. I probed endlessly, trying to figure out what it was, I was intrigued. The more I probed the further back I got pushed and the more determined I became to know what it was that she guarded so fiercely.

She was the one who would allow me in!

Late afternoon was the “in-between time”. Dinner was not even an option and lunch time had passed, maggie was the only “cheap” option. That “2 min. meal” was all that we could afford any way! Eating in silence is not something either of us was used to and what started out to be an idle chat over maggie became a long discussion, something that became more than just any other talk.

We were talking serious stuff here. And the mighty structure she had meticulously constructed seemed to be crumbling!!

Contrasting lives we led and even more contrasting were our views towards it- at least some of it. I was the cautious types venturing into the unknown infrequently. She practically lived in the unknown with the “I care not” attitude and I guess that’s where we bonded. Opposites attract they seem to have said. Today I agreed with them.

We both guarded something or the other but she even more so. So much so that one noticed. Some left without bothering, others (like me) probed, intrigued…

The blazing (late) afternoon sun gave way to cool evening breeze but the balcony remained our sanctuary. It was peaceful and our talk didn’t seem like ceasing. It was funny to bond over yellow and blue, i.e., noodles and well let’s just say that blue was her favorite color!

It was carefree chatting about life which with every second passed us by…

But time played its cruel hand in cutting our beautiful evening short, the bond broke…but only temporarily and not before a promise that it wasn’t only a one off thing…

And I guess at the end of it, the wall didn’t matter anymore, all that remained was a small smile played on her lips and that she had found a confidant!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Just That Way...

Those eyes didn’t look at you, they looked into you.
Into your soul. Searching for something. Always. Analyzing. Calculating.
And yet to you it seemed like just another random stare.
She was different. Unusual.
And yet she seemed so much better.
What was it that made me want her?
There were reasons more than just one.
I pushed her away deep into my mind…
And there she lay just like that; blinding me from within, reminding me all the time that she was there.
I connected with her on levels beyond many that seemed to be strangely…strong!
Or so they seemed…
It was more of a bond between her and me; she wasn’t just another acquaintance or just that friend.
She was more. She knew it.
Our interactions had been superfluous to say the least, so many things were said…
But such a lot was left unsaid…left hanging in the air.
She was a hard one to get to know, masking what lay within,
…we were different people… the two of us…
But there was something there…
And whatever it was that seemed to be between us
I was happy…
And wanted it stay
Just that way...

BOOOOM..... :D


By the time you start getting used to them; all good things come to an end- that would be how I would describe my trip to Indore in the fewest number of words possible. But then it is not such few words that I want to describe my trip…there is more to it and I want to do justice to it.
Acclimatization to a place is a problem for me and not so too- situational it is. And in this situation it was going to be a problem, of course it would be…. I would be living in the presence of grownups after a whole year. It was going to be sometime before I got used to having them telling me what to do and what not do. It was going to be weird.
No I don’t think so because having being alone for so long has made me independent…wow I didn’t imagine I was going to say that. But yeah…
Ok getting back to my trip here, I was chatting with my friends online and I just asked them how they felt having grownups nagging (would you call it that??) them around in their caring way that they have. Most of them didn’t even seem to notice. That’s got to be the heights of being unobservant and just not being in sync with your surroundings, but then people are different!!!
If this is happening now, I don’t even want to wonder what will happen after college ends. That is going to be SO WEIRD and ah that old saying….all good things come to an end.
There is time to be gloomy about all that.
A year or so is left still…and even though time passes like sand through your fingers there are those split seconds where it stays in your hand, and for now it is that time that I am going through.
There is time to start the gloomy yet.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Its Been Awhile....

Its been awhile since my nana passed away and all my memories of him are but a blur...I was young when God decided his time with us was up. But sitting in front of his photograph on the day of Diwali, praying for his well-being and thanking him for looking over us for so long...I missed him.
What I remembered of him was his calling me, "Bongali babu/Babu moshai aa gaye hai, macchi bhaat khabo?"
I remember him during his newspaper reading time, the famous jeep which now Mama takes out to the farm sometimes and him doing his kusrat in the morning...but the memories are all vague...
His booming voice, his commanding presence and yet the softness within him, his willingness to help is what he is fondly remembered for.
I must ask Mom, to tell me about him.
I have come to Indore so many times and each time the 1st thing i do is pray to Nana...for many things...this time I did not. I sat there in front of his photograph with my eyes closed but only so that maybe...maybe I could feel him around me...calling me....
I wanted to meet him...just sit with him...
Time has flowed it always will....
But I wont forget this day,i.e. , 5th of November, it was my first diwali at my Nani-badi and it was the first time that I really really missed you nana.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Up Late and Unable to think Straight!

My eyes are watering, if I would see some mushy movie right now I could almost begin crying immediately. And I am tired....But I had to write. I just had to. Call it compulsion or passion (highly doubtful since all the writing I do is in MY HEAD) I just wanted to write.
I have been up late.
I am supposed to be on holiday but its ended up being quite the reverse of it- and I havent even begun studying for my exams yet. Some holiday no?
Diwali holidays....I feel like burning my books....oh right I dont have any!
Frustration. Irritation. And the likes....
Being couped up in the house is super sad, I want to go HOME!! MY OWN HOME!! back in Kolkata...i will soon...
See this is what happens when you have been forced to have your ass sit on the bed ONLY for 2 straight days, apart from getting up to get your essentials done in the morning that is!
I can almost see double of everything I am writing or wait is that a anyone would think I was drunk. And I solemnly swear I am not. Its this damn college work I tell you....
When you have it you curse it, when you dont you miss it.
Tragedy of life.
I want to write more. But abhi nahi.....kal hi sahi....

 This is nothing special, just one of those normal, nothing out of the ordinary posts.
Sometimes I guess you need that- to be straight, to the point and extremely simple.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Crazy Lunatic Colorful...Unfocussed...Dots!

Am I being totally random?
Have I lost it in the head?
Am I slowly but steadily going crazy?
Is it just a state of being high without even having a sip of alcohol...
Whatever it is...

These random, out of focus clicks add something to my life...
I can look at this at many levels,
through different points of view...

Should we be like this too...
at times...???
Colorful yet Unfocussed
Present with Mind Body and Soul and yet Inattentive
Life holds much more....No?
maybe lets just leave it at them being Dots!

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Mini Visarjan- Maushi Ishtyle

Ganpati Bappa Mauriya Purcha varshi laukariya!!!!

Above all the music, the dhol and everything these 6 words are the only ones playing in my mind…
A plethora of unknown faces among a few known ones gather around their beloved Ganpati to give him a proper farewell and wish with all their heart that he comes back quicker than before with more good fortune and luck and money amongst all other things…
I had always heard about Ganpati Visarjan but never really understood the power, the feeling of pride, the energy of it all that passed through every Maharashtrian who did the visarjan.
But today….
Today was the day when I would. Our beloved tapri ki Maushi had lovingly invited every Symbiosis student she could meet to come for the Visarjan…it was a moment of pride for her and she wanted to share it among us! Under normal circumstances the shy person that I am, I would have just said no, but then this experience wasn’t going to be happening day to day, and it was one I did not want to miss…I wanted to experience the madness, the energy, the liveliness of the dance and I am glad I did. I let go of any inhibitions or embarrassment issues and danced for me, me and only MYself!
The unmistakable sound of the dhol pulled me towards the dancing crowd- huge and intimidating yet containing people with the energy seen in teenagers (of old!the ones now are more lethargic than elephants!)- they were going to dance the night away and let the world know about it!!!
There was one thing. Company mattered and in this case I had the company of quite a few seniors while none from my own batch turned up- It did feel awkward at first maybe but then a dance broke through shackles of all kinds and if nothing else it sure helped me break mine- I wasn’t the shy and reticent kinds anymore. Oh no! not today...
Today I wanted to let go of myself to beats of the dhol playing. The feeling of the dhol playing right into my brain, the elation, the sudden feeling of pure unadulterated joy. I was possessed…
…I was happy.
And at the end of the day that’s what matters isn’t it?

Mine Own Master

It was not a choice I had
There was nothing I could do
I was told to leave
I had to…
End of story.

I felt shattered
Or maybe it was just my heart breaking inside!!!
I could feel the tears well up inside me,
Clouding my vision…
My nose leaked and my face contorted
In anger
Or was it pain, I did not know
All I knew was that I was told to go
But emotions always give you a different story to tell.

This had been their worst decision and all I could do was sit here and whine
About the chances that I saw go up in smoke in spite of all my trying.
I wanted to put all the blame on them
Curse them dead
Maybe…I shouldn’t…
But then I had to vent out my frustrations and it took two to play the blame game!!

It was time to walk away
The quicker I did the easier it would be,
I crunched up my feelings within me
And my long walk back began…

Fear overpowered my sorrow,
It was game over
I was out
And after so much it was time to start from scratch
To begin for a second time!!

Maybe this was just as well, because from failure came experience
And accompanied with it I would be my own master again!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dr. Citaristi’s Odissi Affair with Symbiosis

“It was a magical experience. The grace and poise with which she moved was indeed breathtaking.”

This was all an audience member, overwhelmed with emotion, managed to say when she came out of the Symbiosis Auditorium, where Padmashree Dr. Ileana Citaristi had come to perform.
Thanks to Spic Makay and ICCR many students of Symbiosis Institute of Media and Communication got the opportunity of seeing a live Odissi dance performance for the first time in their lives and what they saw left them mesmerized.
After a grand two hour performance, on her way back to the guesthouse, she talked of how her passion for Odissi dance began. She also mentioned the challenges she faced from the constant changes in mindset of the upcoming generations.
Having done a Doctorate in Eastern Philosophy and a thespian, it was during those days that she came across the various dance forms of Kathakali and Odissi. She planned to learn these dance styles for a year or so and go back to theater but meeting her guru Kelucharan Mohapatra completely changed her life.
She recalls that even while she was getting trained, her guru made her give dance lessons to other students and that’s how her dancing skills improved by leaps and bounds. And thus it was only natural that she become of a teacher of the art.
She stressed on the fact that she always had to come up with something new, expand her horizons to keep the interest alive.
With time, she said, it was becoming imperative to become innovative and invent newer compositions. “To move forward one always has to innovate but at the same time the basics have to be kept in mind, else everything will fail.” says Dr. Citaristi, who has also trained under Guru Shri Hari Nayak apart from Guru Padma Vibhushan Kelucharan Mohapatra.
It is commonly known that artists get concepts related to their respective arts going about the daily routine of their lives- while they take a walk or shower or are gardening anything, and this compels me to ask Dr Citaristi the same question. She says that for her it’s just that she thinks of all the abstract
things and then tries to form a composition out of it.
“For example, time is something very abstract. Once I have made up my mind that I want to create a dance composition on that topic, I start referring to the Veda’s, talk about it to people and read from many sources before creating a script and then giving it music.”
I am intrigued to ask her about the reactions she receives from audiences back home in Italy, after her performances. “In Italy, she says, I often perform for audiences who have absolutely no idea what I am doing. Though it has improved in the last 20 years or so, I try to familiarize the audience with the subject and then perform.”- This was something evident in today’s performance at Symbiosis as well.
Many of the students, because of the huge generation gap, are unaware of such a form of art and thus the introduction is given.
Talking about her performance at Symbiosis today, she said that she was happy with the response she got.
“It always feels nice when something you do is appreciated.”

"An interview I took of Mrs. Citaristi who had performed a breathtaking dance in Symbiosis a few months back!!"

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dreaming about Reality Checks...!!

There is but one place where I can escape and no one can reach me…one place where I am who I want to be, can do what I wish to and live the way I want to- this place, this sacred haven is known as my dream!!!
But then everything can’t be rosy and goody goody.
Dreams maybe your escape from reality but however much you wish it isn’t reality.
It’s all like one big cruel joke played on you. Every night you sleep and see visions of the things that you crave for, excite you and you want but then dawn arrives and ruins it all. That which had been so clear and appealing just the night before seems hazy and blurred as the rays of the sun hit your face (be it the morning or afternoon depends on you!). You wake up half snoozy and the dream plays in your head however indistinct it maybe….
In your head you continue to believe what is happening, but then slowly the truth dawns on you as you see the confines of your room appearing and merging in with your dream and realization hits home that this was God’s way of playing a joke and somewhere he was rolling on the floor laughing seeing your state of complete disillusionment.
I had a similar joke played on me. I have this amazing fascination of assassins/private detectives, be it James Bond, The Transporter, Jason Bourne or even Jacques Clouseau. I just love everything about them- their suave demeanor; the apparent ease with which they impress their femme fatale (couldn’t find a better word!!), their whole chic appearance and the cool things that they get to do…blah blah blah…
Anyway the point is, I was (have been) dreaming of being all those characters (one night per character of course) and every time I arrive at the crux of the mission or even close to the fact that I just might bowl over one of the femme fatales with my awesome personality…reality strikes! I wake up!!
And that’s the end of that…
What am I to do?
Love dreaming or hate it?


Aaj hai jashn kisike jaane ka
Aaj hai mauka har aasoon pee jaane ka
Aaj hi hai mauka hasne hasane ka...!!
Mile mukti har bandhan se
Har baar ki tarah aaj na kaha jaye ki kaam karenge kal se!!!

Yeh gulaal rang ka alag hi tashan hai
Hamare mann ki hi baatein chupaye hum se!!

I am Your's...


I point skywards...
In wonder
In awe
Just because I want to point somewhere too
In surrender..
I surrender myself to you.
I am yours!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Sky has stories to tell....

I look over you
And you dont know it
I look for you
And you ignore it...

I am always there
Do you believe it?

I care.
How do I show it?

I am etched in the sky...
It is hard to get to you
But you can reach me
By remembering me

If you want to.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

On the road with You...

Deep in thought, we walked- on and on, without paying much attention to our surroundings, ourselves or us! We walked like two living graveyards and my mind was blocked to do any sort of talking. Did this affect you?
At times like these, self doubts arose and I began thinking whether you really cared. I knew I did…about you…but was it the same from your side too?
I was in doubt always and it lead me to not ask you anything about it. Every time I thought of bringing up the topic, it seemed to be the wrong time…not the opportune moment! I wish for only that moment that you could read my thoughts. Did you care what I thought of you? Did you care whether I thought of you at all? The doubt manifested itself into making me think that I did not matter to you, that I had ceased to make a difference!
And yet when we passed each other in the corridors and our arms brushed past each other, all my doubts were vanished in thin air. When you look into my eyes the way only you can, you complete me! All the stupid mistakes I make which make you smile make me laugh! At times when silence is what I need but your still there holding my hand, I feel loved…comforted! Every moment I spend with you, I live in the present or mostly it’s just re-living our past moments. I wait for you to come after me and when you do, I forget my troubles. When we are together, to me everyone else on Earth suddenly becomes non-existent…it’s just me and you.
The time when you say you love me, I take that to be the truth even though it is not so. The time we hug my mind is locked into only thinking about you.
Tiny things, like these make the biggest of differences and though there are times that we spend quietly thinking, those are the times I treasure those are the moments I spend with you.

Everyone's cup of Tea....or NOT!

His heart pounded against his ribcage, blood tingled in every pore of his body with such ferocity that it was a wonder how it didn’t just burst out. He was finding it very hard to focus, his mind was spinning; time and again he found his eyes close- in a state of semi- consciousness.
He tried calming down but to no avail. Fear gripped his innards with a vice-like grip, unwilling to let go.
The urge was a frantic one now, if nothing could be done in the next few minutes he would be facing dire consequences, consequences he did not want to be party to. His clothes were drenched and he was going weak in the knees…
His mind had given in to the urge long back but his addiction spurred him on, giving him the energy to carry on…
He was losing hope of finding what he was looking for and yet there was something that didn’t let him give in.
Piece by piece, from within he could feel it all fall apart. A minor trembling of the hands now became stronger, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t run. He craved for it. What had been just a want earlier became a need now...
This torture was too much...
He walked and walked and walked some more…and in the distance he noticed a tapri!
In all its grandeur and splendor he saw not a rundown shack but a mini palace selling small cups of elixir…small cups of tea!
And as he saw these sights in the distance, the contours of his face changed. The look of pain, fear and a look of manic hope were washed over by the feeling of sudden calmness.
He sped towards the tapri, but never seemed to get any closer! He laughed it off, feeling it was his tired mind playing dirty games with his mind…
But what he had laughed off a few minutes back didn’t seem to be a laughing matter anymore. His lips were parched and dry, his taste buds craved for that one sip of tea like a child craved for a new toy….
But fate had played its game; he wasn’t destined to have the elixir he craved for…
He would have to writhe in pain and suffer for the day and perhaps put off the satisfaction of having tea till another day!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Flying High

Udaan Review

Director: Vikramaditya Motwane/Anurag Kashyap
Music Director: Amit Trivedi

Movie Cast: Rajat Barmecha, Ronit Roy, Aayan Boradia, Ram Kapoor, Manjot Singh, Anand Tiwari, Suman Mastkar, Raja Hudda, Varun Khettry, Shaunak Sengupta, Akshay Sachdev

Udaan is one of those movies that manages to touch each and every emotion present in your conscience. It will tickle your funny bone, create lumps in your throat, make you go on a nail biting spree and then you come out of the hall feeling that there’s a bond you’ve created with the character on screen. It manages to affect you in a way that makes you think that you are the protagonist yourself. Udaan is the yearning that every kid has; to be free from all that keeps him bound to something or the other in his life.
One can relate to the film. And that is what I believe to be debutant director Vikramaditya Motwane’s greatest achievement. The ability to create a relation with the audience!
Holding certain scenes to a certain length what the director does is that he makes you feel the plight of Rohan (Rajat Barmecha) who is shackled to his father’s (Ronit Roy) strict and regimental will. He makes you absorb exactly what Rohan might be going through- the claustrophobia of having to agree to work in his father’s factory when he wants to study literature and become a writer, the fact that he yearns to be with his friends in Mumbai and run away from his dull life. He is also to cope with the fact that he has a step brother (Aayan Barodia) of whose existence until then he did not know. The only solace he finds is in his chachu (Ram Kapoor), who is willing to give the kid a chance to follow his own dream. But then the solace too is temporary as things keep heating up between father and son.
After being kicked out of boarding school for some mischief Rohan arrives home and thus is established the father-son relationship which is not as pretty as one would like it to be. Ronit Roy’s character is more of a ruler/dictator of the house than a father albeit a few moments of rare fatherly behavior. He cares and yet is unable to love. He is the “control freak” in the house who sees his son’s through the eyes of a master and not a father. Rohan’s high flying life of boarding school comes to a premature end and life under his “father’s rule” stagnates to such an extent that we see the rise of his rebel side suddenly things get ugly. The father son relationship deteriorates and a strong bond is created between the two step brothers’- they are two victims trapped in the same boat.
The best part of the movie is that Rohan’s life is told through a series of metaphors, which is brilliant and thus the relationships of father and son and the two brother’s is established.
Stealing a few moments of joy by riding all night having taken his dad’s Contessa, sharing a few drinks with his friends and then the frustration as the Contessa breaks down signifying the stagnation in his life are but a few examples of the kind of metaphors used in the movie. The movie is long; a 2 hour affair but not even for one moment is it dull or dragging. Performances by each of the actors be it Rajat Barmecha, Aayan Barodia, Ronit Roy or Ram Kapoor are excellent and very well suited to the kind of the role they were given. The music by Amit Trivedi only enriches the whole experience.
Udaan is a MUST WATCH and definitely one of the best to have been made this year. Kudos to Vikramaditya Motwane for coming up with such a fresh, refreshing and real concept.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Black or White

They say that the skies are the limit
Am I to reach so high?
I keep spreading out like the wings of a bird
But always wonder why?
The birds are my guiding force, helping me to get somewhere!!
I wish I knew where I was going
....what I was destined to have been doing...
Life at times just doesnt seem to be fair!!
Why is there so much confusion
Is there a way I could lose 'em?
Why isn't life as simple.... simple as black and white
without the varied shades of grey!!!
Add a caption
They say that the skies are the limit
Am I to reach so high?
I keep spreading out like the wings of a bird
But always wonder why?
The birds are my guiding force, helping me to get somewhere!!
I wish I knew where I was going
....what I was destined to have been doing...
Life at times just doesnt seem to be fair!!
Why is there so much confusion
Is there a way I could lose 'em?
Why isn't life as simple.... simple as black and white
without the varied shades of grey!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Unwavering Reflection

"Who we are
Whatever we do
Cant be hidden
Cant be washed away
Cant be taken away from us!!
It is a part of us...
Our existence has been etched on the sands of time
Can it be easily removed?
Can you hide it or wash it away?
It maybe hazy..
Obscure at times...
But it can never leave you
Just like your reflection!!"
Add a caption
"Who we are
Whatever we do
Cant be hidden
Cant be washed away
Cant be taken away from us!!
It is a part of us...
Our existence has been etched on the sands of time
Can it be easily removed?
Can you hide it or wash it away?
It maybe hazy..
Obscure at times...
But it can never leave you
Just like your reflection!!"

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

TIme Warp

"Miles have I travelled and each time I felt unprotected
I tried hard to reach a safe place but each time got washed away...
But times keep on changing
And change is here...I sense it!
Time stops for no one
But it will for me....
The waves keep crashing by
But not today...
Today is my day!
See what I have achieved!"

Pent Up

A motley crowd gathered around, each sadder than the other
A deathly silence prevailed as some singer croaked and soft music was belted out
The rituals became a drag
Everyone became edgy!!
There was an uneasy tension building up in the room..
So many of us were teary eyed and yet no one cried!
What was holding us back?
What stopped us from expressing their grief?
I wondered.....
Was it that we did not want to be weak?
Was it because we did not want to be seen so vulnerable?
Was it....
Suddenly a child's cry pierced shocked us out of our silent reverie
The child cried with abandon as if the only one in mourning
He disturbed the pin drop silence among the crowd and in a way unleashed our grief
from within......
It was through a little soul...
through a little soul.....that we found a way of releasing our pent up emotions!!!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Shining Bright

"They say the darkest night is before the dawn
They say it is in the night when fear grips the town
The darkness engulfs even the tiny ray of hope around!!
But as long as I am doesn't matter what they say...
Cuz I burn the brightest in the darkest hour
Help the tiniest ray of hope shine brighter than before..
I am the one who paves the way when there is none to be found
I am the SUN!"

Monday, June 7, 2010

Revelling in the Beauty

"Let go of all that keeps you occupied
For a few moments become the awestruck child
Come revel in the beauty there is to see
Forget about the past
Dont worry about the future
Let the calm seas wash over all your fears
Come...come experience the feeling of serenity the sea shares with me!!"

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Bridging the Gap

"What was it that went wrong
Why is that we stand so far apart
It was always about going a little bit further
But what we failed to realize that we grew further apart too!
All that is left now is this gap
Between you and I
Can it be bridged?
It is only for us to decide!"

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Welcome to the Joint!!

Love is no longer a feeling..
It has lost its purity
And in turn has gained a dangerous identity!!
It has transformed into more of an activity...
One for public viewing and enjoyment of the population around us
Welcome to the Love Joint!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Road Ahead

Walk with me into the unknown!
Come explore the depths of this horizon
And maybe we will find something new
See something never seen before
Experience something amazing
Leave our fears far behind
We will return...
With happiness and peace of mind
A story we need to tell
And mysteries to unwind!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Questionable Questions

It was past midnight, returning from a small get-together with a few friends I saw on the streets 2 kids roughly between 10 and 12 years old injecting each other with something. I was not entirely shocked, since I was working with substance abusing kids younger to these kids at SUPPORT! I really wanted to help them, which obviously was a foolish idea because you never know they might just inject me with the thing too! Hence, even though I was damn curious and reluctant on leaving, I did- for my own safety.
And then I came to “office” and talked to my boss about it. He gave me a wry smile as I blasted one question after another and listened patiently. Once I was out of questions and breathe he answered, “We are doing our best we can. It is not an easy process making these children get rid of their habits. Some of them have to stay here for ages so that they can let go of their addiction. It is not a 2 month or 2 month course which some of the institutions do around the world- that way the kid becomes a rebel. He’ll follow your orders for those 3 months and then get back to what he was doing. He needs proper direction and time to get rid of the urge of succumbing to the drugs.
My questions didn’t end there. I asked,” isn’t the gov’t to blame for this?”
“No, they can obviously help a lot more but it is not entirely their fault. It is not a human error either. This drug abuse thing has been going on for donkey’s years and is passed down along the years. Also, drugs have gone int’l the amount of stuff supplied from abroad is amazing.
People like the ones at SUPPORT and other NGO’s try their hardest to bring a change in society, maybe begin a process of reduction if not eradication of drugs! And then there is the gov’t who also tries hard by allotting land for the NGOs though at time their efforts need to be more!
How can a normal person or for that matter anyone help?
He said that it was only through being aware of such a problem and donations to the organization. With the resources I have I can manage only 100 kids in that building, with a little more space I would like to house a 1000 but the practicality of it doesn’t allow me to do so!
Few more institutions would make no sense instead if the staff all combined to form a big party then and carry out the work would be more of a success.

I don’t know how to end this piece. I didn’t know how to end the conversation we had when we did. I hope you can tell me about it!
A little?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hope Round The Corner

“Imagine seeing a six year old kid sitting on the streets sniffing some banned substance. Imagine…!”
What would you do? Would you choose to ignore and walk past or try helping the kid? Would you get scared of the prospect that somehow if the kid touches or breathes on you the infection will spread? I think I know what the common sentiment among (most) the youth would be- ignore or laugh and walk away giving a plethora of comments like, “This is what today’s world has come to.” Or maybe some would give a sympathetic glance at the poor soul but that’s all. That’s where our emotions draw a boundary.
The elderly on the other hand and again not all but most of them would curse the kids and their parentage about how unethical and moral less parents are to allow their children to go through with all this and more.
However there are people…kind people…like the ones at Society Undertaking Poor People’s Onus of rehabilitation (SUPPORT) among others, who do give a damn about these children, who do want to improve their lifestyle and make the kids walk the right path. There still remains a hope for these kids, some who are just out of their nappies and beginning school while others ready for marriage but without a bride and a college degree.
There needs to be some means of calling out to people all over the world to start noticing, helping and reaching out to these kids. There needs to be a growth in the effort by not only NGO’s but people themselves so that these unfortunate souls can have a better future.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Losing My Freedom

I am a confused soul right now and write in what one would call stream of consciousness. Bear with me.

“Rain pittered pattered all around and there were these two guys sitting on the pavement enjoying their tea. A weird feeling that gave me. Did I miss my flat mate or roommate? Maybe…. ”

Yesterday night it rained like never before…in Pune at least…and I was enjoying it all alone. I had time to contemplate. I had time to think.
A happy/sad feeling courses through me as I sit writing this. My mind is a puzzled pile of thoughts- each different and befuddling as the last. And here I sit and try to sort them out!
What is it about living alone that I like so much…or hate. ..Confusing emotions the two of them always mystifying the mind! This question bugs me to death and I guess I will take the doubt with me to the grave because I remain as puzzled as ever. It’s been awhile since I have been living alone…call that a boon or whatever, is your wish…to me though it seems like a cursed boon. I have loads and loads of privacy to do whatever I wish but then on the other hand I do miss the presence of someone to talk to, chat or gossip with, for someone just to exist around in the same place as me.
But then comes the fact that living alone for the past 2 and quarter months makes you get used to the feeling of being alone and slowly loving it!
Yess…loving it!
You live like a king on a double bed….you play music all night long at full volume, you dance, you cry do anything you wish without having the feeling of being conscience around that somebody sitting, eating, sleeping on the bed next to yours.
In a way I have noticed, when I sit to write I need complete peace…quiet…and silence which helps my thought process to function better and my being alone in the whole place is kind of perfect.
A little of this quietness is fine but then too much of anything is not good is it?
The mind is a superbly complex thing- when we have too much of something it begins to choke you into not wanting it and then when you don’t have much of it you pine for it. Time is one such thing.
Time moulds you into becoming a different person altogether. When coming to an empty house, one becomes a lot quieter. One tends to switch off completely; silence eats your soul from within even as noise engulfs the place around you. And this soon becomes a way of life to you.
It has become mine.
So now that I move out from this silent place of mine…
It bothers me…is the freedom I had gone for a toss?

With these thoughts I go into my new house!!! :D